I plan to celebrate this Independence Day the same way I do every year: by throwing off the shackles of law (I'm looking in your direction, gravity). How else do you celebrate independence if you don't become truly independent?
You have to regulate yourself for a day. Want to drive around without license plates? Go for it. Think you're going to eat off a friend's plate at a Chinese buffet without paying for yourself? No one can stop you. Don't feel the need to close the blinds before masturbating? They're your blinds.
Join me in honoring the spirit of our country this 4th of July. Declare anarchy. Hey... while you're out there [wink], kill a drifter for me.
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