It has been suggested by some that I drink too much. The beverage in question was never specified, but I think we can safely assume it's blood. Blood, or "life blood," being my name for alcohol, of course. I happen to think I drink the right amount every time. But here are a few of the arguments others have made to prove that I need to cut back:
1. The paint on both sides of my car is missing.
2. My paycheck is direct-deposited into my home bar's account.
3. I won the Larry Hagman medal at the 2008 Alkylympics.
4. I have track marks on my arms, in between my toes and on the underside of my scrotum from injecting pure grain alcohol.
5. My sweat can be used as a disinfectant.
I want you all to know that I'm listening. And I'm willing to discuss everyone's concerns over a drink.
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