I wanna be your dog

Ladies... a favor, please. Let me be your pet. Let me be your dog. I can't think of anything else I want or need. I would by loyal and loving, and it wouldn't have to be weird. I won't even watch you change clothes or shower. I just need you to feed me and sometimes pet me affectionately. In return, I'll snuggle and nap with you. I'll lick my dishes clean. When I shed, I'll pick up the hair. I'll bark at burglars to scare them away, and if that doesn't work and he raises his fist or weapon, I will yelp and run behind the couch with my tail between my legs. I won't chase your cat(s). And enjoy these bonus features:

I don't like to talk.

My leg kicks when you scratch me behind my ears or under my collar.

I can juggle a little.

I respond to all commands (English).

I get jealous and growl at your guy friends.

I lick salt off of arms.



If you want me to stay in character, I don't have to juggle.