Unemployment is my favorite word with 'employment' in it

I'm not one for working.

I mean, I do it and all. But I don't live to work like the rest of you. I understand that most of you are usually trying to get away from your spouse or significant other for 8-10 hours or more at a time every chance you get, but I have a happy home life of movies, music, wine, beer, pajamas and the occasional fried catfish.

So what I'm asking is, why don't you all chip in to support me in the comfortable lifestyle to which I've grown accustomed? Hear me out. That might mean you have to work overtime to stay out of financial straits. And, BOOM, just like that you have another 4-6 hours away from your nagging such-and-such of a wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/relative (for you incestocrats [just made up that word and may use it again in the epic political blog I daydream about at work instead of working]).

Everyone's happy. You get to work a lot. A whole lot. And I get to take frequent naps, drink in the morning AND the evening, watch all those good movies you'll never see because you have to watch crappy commercial fare as a compromise to the tastes of your middling mate. And I can gain the weight you would be gaining if you weren't busting your ass day and night to keep your head above water. And frankly, you already owe me the monetary equivalent of 35 lbs. above healthy.

Scratch all that. Who wants to see a video? This is back when movie trailers were much, much cooler than they are now. For the keen eye, you might see a line that's not in the released movie. How do I know? Because I've fucking watched the fucking movie over 100 times. That's not fucking hyperbole. So back off, man. I'm a scientist.