The upside of no keyless entry to my car

I can non-scientifically calculate my blood-alcohol content based on the radius of the key scratches in relation to the keyhole. A distance of one inch is right at the legal limit in Texas (0.08%). Key scratches on the the window indicate a blood-alcohol content twice the legal limit. Key scratches on my face, a broken side mirror, two flat tires, a deer on the windshield and waking up camouflaged by reeds and cattails near a pond means I was so drunk... How drunk were you?... I was soooo drunk that...