Herpes for all!

I just saw an ad on TV that said 70% of blah blah blah genital herpes. What was said during all the blah-blah-blahs? I don't know. And frankly, I don't care.

Look, when will we get over the herpes issue? At some point we're all gonna get 'em no matter how hard we try to avoid 'em. Why not just give in?

There're medications for outbreaks, and the commercials tell me I can have a normal life. So bring on the herpes-ridden chicks.

Wait... can you get herpes on your tongue? Bah. Who cares? Like my great-grandmother used to say, "Herpes is herpes." Meaning, it doesn't matter what kind or where they are. Genital herpes, eye herpes, brain herpes... they're all the same.

I just don't want to get space herpes.
(this footage is the best I could do on short notice. skip to minute 4 and ride it out to minute 7.)