If they're not careful, we'll leave Bono stranded in Africa

The Irish are on thin ice. But haven't they always been?

First St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland and into American zoos and snake farms, where they continue to creep me out. Then they let about a quarter of their population die during the The Irish Potato Famine just because they didn't want to eat their burgers without fries, which led to the tragic shuttering of hundreds of McDonald's and Carl's Juniors.

Now a pub in New York is banning the song "Danny Boy" this month because it's "depressing," it's not "sung in Ireland on St. Patrick's Day," and it wasn't even written by an "Irishman."

So fucking what? Get over yourselves, Irish. If an Irishman had written the song, the rest of us wouldn't be able to understand it. It takes an English songwriter to write a song in English, as the old adage goes.

And who cares what goes on in Ireland on St. Patrick's Day? America is the country that dyes its rivers green and serves green beer and fights in the streets and vomits in our car floorboards on the way home from the bars and parades on this holiday. Whereas, the Irish that every day. And if you ask me, that's a problem, not a cause for celebration.

So I'm standing by the song "Danny Boy" and demanding that it be sung on St. Patrick's Day. If you don't know the words, you can learn them here: