When was the last time a new genre of music was created? Seriously, I don't know. But I can only assume it was in the 80s with the advent of sports-team dance-rap (see Chicago Bears, L.A. Dodgers, etc.).
The truth is, the prospect of new and interesting music died when Darren "Buffy, The Human Beat Box" Robinson of The Fat Boys dropped from a heart attack in 1995.
People have tried again and again, but everything they've come up with so far has thoroughly and enthusiastically sucked horse privates. So I'm calling on all real and wannabe musicians to dig deep and come up with something fresh, innovative and totally unprecedented. Like gangsta gospel. Or Appalachian techno. I don't know, I'm just spitballing here.
I don't like to toss around the word "crisis" lightly. But this, people, is the worst fucking crisis the world has ever faced. I'm counting on all of you to come through. Meanwhile, I'll be watching "Scott Baio is 46... And Pregnant."
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