WE DID IT!!!!

We finally got O.J.!!!

I don't know about where you live, but here in the white neighborhoods of Texas, we rioted and burned overturned cars (which we ourselves had overturned).

And all we had to do was lull him into a false sense of security by electing a black president.

You don't think Obama won Virginia and North Carolina based on his merits as a candidate or this alleged economic downturn, do you? Those states wouldn't vote for a black president even if he promised them reparations for the 40 acres and a mule their forefathers never quite had to give up. Or promised to legalize Mexican slaves.

We had almost lost hope. We tried getting O.J. on back taxes. We came close to tricking him in to assaulting someone with a golf club. At our most desperate, we even tried framing him for stealing DirecTV. But that just shows lack of vision. I mean, we really had our spirits broken after the acquittal for double homicide. We were sure we had picked the best of the best in the LAPD to plant the evidence. "No white woman will ever marry another black man!" we sang prematurely.

Alas, we didn't know what was in store for us. The Goldmans' civil suit served to buy us some time, but we just came up blank. The real human tragedy of the whole affair is poor Peter Lupus. The original Norberg from the Police Squad! series suffered humiliation after humiliation as Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker continued to crank out Naked Gun sequels with a black ex-athlete in the role Lupus originated on the small screen.

But now if they, or maybe the Wayans brothers, decide to make a fourth Naked Gun, the 70-something Lupus will be restored to his former glory.

And as for the black president, four years will fly by. Then the Huckabee/Palin ticket will swoop in to save white America.

Or failing that, we'll frame Obama for the murders of Hillary and her late lover Vince Foster.