I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a lot of effort to win the big game. I flew to DC just so I could watch it in the bar where I watched almost every game of our national championship season. And it fucking worked.

The Longhorns are number fucking one. I'm a little dismayed that I wasn't welcomed back to Texas with a parade, but I've got more important things to worry about. Like winning out the rest of the season and getting cruel and unusual revenge on the neo-Nazis at A&M.

Truthfully, I can't take full credit for Saturday's astounding victory. My friend Chad and his wife gave birth to their second daughter last week. Every time they have a girl, we win a national championship. There's a bit of pressure on them because I plan on winning back-to-back championships. So they're gonna need to get pregnant again no later than March.

Also, I had a bet with my personal trainer. I had every intention of skipping the gym this week so I could drink every night, but now I have to go work out tomorrow so I can see my trainer wear a UT shirt and say that Colt McCoy is the greatest quarterback in the history of college football (we all know it's actually Vince, but we have to live in the moment).

Oh, and the best part about winning was walking around Capitol Hill after the game and people yelling congratulations from their cars or walking up and patting me on the back. That city knows how to show respect to a winner.

And I'm a winner. Heck, we're all winners this week. Our country finally did something right.