Growing up in a small-town Baptist church, I frequently heard my Sunday school teacher say, "Don't cock a gift-whore in the mouth," which, looking back, seems to be exactly what you should do.
So I was immediately torn on what to do when I came home after work and found a basket at my doorstep with something wrapped in swaddling cloths. Naturally, it was money. Lots of money. Lots and lots of money! Oh jesus, look at all this money!!! I've never seen so much money in one place!!! Holy shit, what will I do with all this money???!!!
And then I looked closer. It was just fake money with my name and death threats written on each bill. Fucking useless! But I guess I can use the basket to hold baguettes or something.
Listen to This: The Race To Ban Abortion
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