Mother's Day

Today is the 100th anniversary of Mother's Day, which I guess makes it the 101st Mother's Day. It seems to me that the holiday has grown stale and in need of livening up.

I know what you're thinking: "Where do you get off critiquing Mother's Day? Yo mama is dead."

True. But I think that gives me an objective point of view. Just like my atheism allows me to judge such Christian holidays as Christmas and Easter, which to my understanding are the days that celebrate the birth of Santa Claus and his tragic murder by a bloodthirsty rabbit. Silly. Just silly.

And because I'm a racial mongrel who is neither black nor fully white (i.e., Tex-Mex: greasy and delicious), I can take to task MLK Day, which is when white people pretend they're not racist and that they like the idea of their little white boys and girls joining hands with little black boys and girls, as well as the idea that blacks have a say in how this country is run. We all know whitey don't really think that way. The proof will be in the headlines on November 5.

Back to Mother's Day. You already know how to fix it and funk it up.
I'll give you a hint: Mothership.
I'll give you another: Turn this mother out.

Awwwww, hell yeah.






But for reals... rest in peace, Mom. It still fucking hurts.