Things I'm tired of

The wind
It's been windy in Texas for the last three months. Maybe I don't want to go sailing every day on my luxury yacht. Maybe I don't want to rapturously fly a kite in childlike bliss during each lunch break at work as a way to escape the crushing weight of life. And I can't be expected to spend all of my free time harnessing the wind to provide power for third-world countries. Poor people are so clingy. I need a break.

Hillary Clinton
It's time to throw in the pantsuit. Go home to your loving, devoted husband and live out your days in each other's arms.

Birds
Just kidding, birds! I love being creeped out. I love washing my car every other day. I love being pecked and clawed when I'm hungry for poached bluejay eggs. I would miss having my head buzzed by pigeons when I walk the streets of downtown metropolises...es...es... ... FUCK YOU, BIRDS!!!

The Texas Lottery
If they have drawings six days a week, why the hell can't they just write me a check right now? Why do we have to continue the luck charade? Let's go, lottery commission. I've got sports teams to buy. I'm looking at you, Wichita Falls Diablos.

Sober driving
Where's the challenge?



That is all.