Finally, a funny shoe. Because the comic strip Shoe sucks male sex organ

So how 'bout that President Bush? Eh?... Eh?

Did ya hear this? Did ya read about this? Seems that an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at the lame-duck leader of the free world. Talk about [insert jokey joke joke here]!!!

But seriously, it gives a whole new meaning to [hilarious shoe-related pun, ha ha ha]. This guy knows what I'm talking about. It's like if [famous douchebag] had a baby with [B-list has-been hack]. I wonder what that baby would sound like. I bet it would sound a little something like this: WAAAAAAA WAAAAAA WAAAAAAA!!!! See... because it's a baby.

Thank you. You've been a great audience.


I cribbed that bit from that one dude who makes with the laugh-laugh. But for reals, I'm astounded by Bush's reflexes. The cushy life ain't slowed him down none, no how. All these years of dumbass decisions and treasonous behavior, and then it turns out we got a ninja for a president. He shoulda fought the war in Iraq himself. He coulda made that Matrix bullet-dodging shit cool again.

But on a personal note, the unsung story of this, uh, story is the accuracy of the shoe throws by the Iraqi. It's personal because I don't think I could come that close to a target like he did, even at close range. A baseball is hard enough for me to throw without looking silly, but a shoe? And two shoes in rapid succession? That can be wildly unpredictable. What if a shoelace catches on my finger at the last second? The shoe could whip around and kick me in the crotch. Or hit an innocent bystander. Or maybe I'd leave a motherfucking footprint right on the forehead of the Great Satan himself. Ohhh snap!

But I wouldn't bet on that.

You can't be happy AND intelligent

I realize that I write superficially about politics, but that's how I write about everything. Generally, when you scratch the surface of any issue, be it elections, sex, religion, or sexy religions, you find that things are very complex and much less enjoyable. The key to happiness is talking about things in a childish, dimwitted manner. That's why we always see President Bush dancing. He's a happy motherfucker.








And only some of that can be explained by his severe case of douchebagism.

My election-year idealism is right on schedule

Look, things have got to change.

I just sat through the movie World Trade Center and cried for two hours straight while reliving the horrible dread and sorrow I felt nearly seven years ago. I cried for what happened on September 11, 2001. I cried for the people who died, the fighters who lived, and the heroes who never gave up on digging out survivors. But I also cried for what this country has become.

We, the United States, had a chance to change the world. And we did. As badly as can be imagined. I felt that President Bush, a moderate and bipartisan governor less than a year before, would heed the call and lead this country into a golden age of evil-shattering enlightenment, education and global unity. Instead he and his people pissed it away with no real concern for anything but proving their bullshit, fantastical theories and earning a place in history books.

After finishing the movie, I sat down at this computer to find that several news organizations are calling the Democratic nomination for Obama (finally). My hope is that Hillary hasn't done so much damage to the party that Old Man McCain marches into office with his creaky, antiquated ideas and silly pigheadedness.

I believe that Obama will immediately begin steering America back on course, simply by what his election will represent: healing. But in addition to that, I believe he has the thoughtfulness and equanimity to make the decisions that will encourage others to make similarly sound choices. As in, the cleansing of Congress could be in order. Voters could send the greedheads packing, and corruption as policy would end. And then the seeds we plant here on our soil could sprout into some better metaphor than where I just went and affect the entire world.

Do I really believe that will happen? Well, not exactly. But do I believe it can happen? Yes, of course. Over time. It has to at some point, or we're destined for the post-apocalyptic days of Cormac McCarthy's The Road, all eating people and whatnot. So the question is, should we give in and wait for the world to rot? Or should we strive for something better?