Where did we go wrong?

This country is falling apart. The government's freaking out over bonuses they knew were being paid to the fuck-ups at AIG. Geithner doesn't know how to fix the banks. Rush Limbaugh gets press coverage for his cocksuckery. People are trying to scalp tickets they got for free to the Jay Leno show in (or rather, near) Detroit even though the tickets were overpriced in the first place. The North Koreans are holding two of our least-known (and least-careful) journalists. Nobody watches Friday Night Lights but me, two of my friends and the critics. Gary Sinise writes columns for CNN.com. YouTube apparently took down my favorite Van Morrison performance. The Special Olympics are waging a war on the word "retard."

And if any new countries were formed or dissolved in the last seven years, I need to update my motherfucking globe.

That's it. I'm drinking all day.

Oh wait. Here's something right with the country: the great Alejandro Escovedo.