Lost my phone

I lost my phone last week and bought a new one for hundreds of hard-to-come-by dollars. In the same week, I had other unexpected payments, including to the IRS, who think because I consider myself a liberal that I want to pay more tax instead of getting a return.

But I will have the last laugh. Someone found my phone. And I'm either faking my death or founding a church. I can you tell which I prefer.