Wait, 2008, I'm not done!

I've barely been out in public since Thanksgiving. I had every intention of living it up the last two days of December, but when the time came, I chose to watch TV and movies at home. So should I party at home alone all day today to start off the new year right? Or go running and eat healthy food to start off the new year like a goddamn pussy?

Forget all that. Here are the notable moments from 2008:

Barack Obama
My liberal guilt has been cleansed from my soul now that black people will have the chance to enslave us whites.

Chinese Democracy
After a full month of nonstop listening, I think I finally burned out on this album. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the greatest album of all time. Wait. I think that was the lie. But for real, I dig it, and I'm glad I lived to see the clusterfuck that is the new Guns n' Roses disc.

Bigloo, R.I.P.
After 12 years and as many as 15 shows, my friends' band finally called it quits. If those guys hadn't been around to write songs, it would probably mean that someone invented a time machine to go back and abort them in the womb. That person must be stopped.

Sarah Palin
Speaking of stopping abortions...
2008 was the year of the woman. The confident (Hillary). The beautiful (that chick who bent over at the bar last month and wasn't wearing a bra). And, of course, Gov. Palin. She embodied the most important quality we think of when we think of women: that Republican chicks are really good in the sack.

Concerts, concerts, concerts
I saw Springsteen, Radiohead, Chris Rock, Tom Petty, My Morning Jacket, Van Halen, Tom Waits, Nick Lowe, The Hold Steady, Wolf Parade and fuckload of others. I regret missing The Cool Kids (twice) and Q-Tip. It wasn't a race thing, I promise. But to make up for it, I will only go to black shows in 2009. Scratch that. I've already dealt with my liberal guilt. So I'll just see black music in February, like everyone else. Hang on... it's not a leap year, is it? No? Whew! Twenty-nine days would be excessive.

My health
I survived my first cancer scare and the common cold. Now I think I have an enlarged prostate. But because 2008 was the year of my health and I didn't go to the doctor before the new year, I will have to ignore my prostate until 2010. My prostate knew it was in a race against the clock, and it lost. Sucks to be it.

So, hooray for 2009! Ten years ago, I was starting my first post-college job at a newspaper. Ten years from now, I hope to be bionic. Or just generally unstoppable.