Teach your children well

Lessons for my daughter if she's approached by a male.
1. Punch the nuts first; ask questions later.
2. Make it clear that daddy owns a wood chipper.
3. Explain that dating is not allowed until a certain maturity is reached. Say... at age 45.
4. Hand him a pamphlet on the symptoms of chlamydia.
5. A follow-up punch to the nuts for good measure is enjoyed by all.

Lessons for my son if he's approached by a female.
1. If you're really my son, it ain't gonna happen. Go watch TV.