The end of birthday celebrations. You're welcome.

I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Birthdays are a hassle. To have. To remember. To buy for. To apologize for missing. There's nothing good associated with birthdays. Especially at my age where each birthday is one more toe in the grave. This fall, I will have 33 toes in the grave (my family lived across the river from a pharmaceuticals factory).

So here's my plan: I will offer birthday greetings to everyone I know... but at my leisure. Could I randomly call people in my phone book and sing TGI Friday's-style to my bewildered friends? Sure. Will I send out messages to everyone I know on myspace and facebook in one day and be done with it for a year? It's totally up to me! Meaning, yes. But I also reserve the right to hire a skywriter to write Happy Birfday (the dozen-letter price special) in the sky, and it will be up to all of you to look up at the right time, or I will be offended that you didn't accept my gift to you.

Assholes.