OLD PEOPLE and how to deal with them

I've said it a million times: Do NOT empower the elderly.

Because when you do, THIS is what happens.

Now them old motherfuckers gonna be shooting kids off their lawns. Next thing you know, they're going to demand respect. And fuck if I'll be the one to give it to them.

In another age-related opinion, since it seems like that's what I'll be doing in this goddamn post, let me just say this: Women: wait, let me start over. Two colons in a row look weird. Let me just say this: Women, don't fuck with the aging process. It's going to be OK. Aging is what people do. Let nature slowly decompose us until our loose skin catches on a corner and pulls off us like the sheet on a ghost in a Scooby-Doo cartoon.

I mean, is this how you wanna go out? It's sooo not as cool as a heroin overdose. But hey, what is? Shit, I guess dying from injecting anything is cooler than most ways of dying.